Birdyline Book Blog

I’ve recently adopted a motto- life is too short to finish books you don’t like. As a result, there aren’t too many books that I hate that end up completed. However, I wanted to do a fun twist on the “top ten” genre of posts and rank the worst books of the year. Unfortunately I only read around 30 books this year, so my options are limited, hence the list only being five long. Some of these books will have been finished, others were put down at some point. Without further ado, here’s the list.

5. Heidi by Johanna Spyri

Before you freak out at seeing a childhood staple on this list you must know that Heidi is only on this list because I read it as an adult with an adult point of view. It’s flaws are funny, charming even. I don’t have anything against the book, it just isn’t without its issues.

The last book I read in 2023 was Heidi, a book that most people read when they’re very young. I soon learned exactly why this book existed in the children’s market. The book is very preachy at times. It presses morality and spirituality very heavily. Sometimes the characters lecture on and on for complete pages about being grateful for what we have, always praying, being kind, etc. Heidi has one conversation with a woman who suggests she prays and from then on becomes a mini preacher. She talks in detail about aspects of her faith that no one told her about (and aren’t age appropriate) to any random character who may appear. Its unrealistic, but adorable. I don’t mind, but its clearly there so that little boys and girls who read the book will learn something from it.

The secondary main character Peter struggles with near paranoia and in the modern age, would definitely need anxiety medication. He also does not age during the book. While Heidi goes from 5 to 9 throughout the duration of the story, Petter stays 12 the entire time. (or at least acts like it, and no mention is made of him growing) He suffers from a hyper active conscience (so that the little girls and boys reading know what happens when they are bad) but at the end of the book because the girl who’s belongings he stole and damaged miraculously recovers from the paralysis she was born with, he faces no consequences (other than a lecture spanning two pages) and then is rewarded with money.

The highlight of the entire book is when Peter falls off the mountain. Keep in mind we’ve already read how a wheelchair fell of the mountain and was smashed to bits. However when Peter trips and falls, he’s perfectly fine. The book describes a man watching Peter tumble down the mountain for several minutes before proceeding up the path. Peter eventually gets caught in a bush and stands up perfectly fine. As he hikes back up the mountain without the broken limbs and concussion any mortal would have received, he thinks about the mental anguish he’s in. Mental? This part of the book got an audible laugh out of me.

At the end of the day though, it’s a children’s book. My complaints aren’t that deep.

Overall rating: 4/5 stars.

TIE FOR 4. When All the Girls are Sleeping by Emily Arsenault

Don’t get me wrong, this book wasn’t horrible. If I found myself in an empty room with nothing else to read, I would contentedly pick it up again. However, there were quite a few issues.

The cover art is SICK. And while the premise is unoriginal, (haunted girls boarding school) the book seemed to have potential.

Overall, the book was just mediocre. I don’t have many thoughts, other than that it was a very slow start, and a very rushed and somewhat unsatisfying ending. If the book had leaned more into its thriller/horror side, I think it could have been better.

Overall rating: 3/5 stars

TIE FOR 4. A Good Idea by Cristina Moracho

First of all, I’m glad I didn’t read this when I was younger. It’s young adult book for sure, not just in the difficulty level, but the content itself. As a middle schooler I frequently read books way too “old” for me. I never minded murder mysteries, but when the violence gets deeply disturbing and/or there is a ton of sexual content, it scared me in a way. Long story short, it contains some troubling material but anyone highschool age or higher could handle it.

Again, this book was mediocre and I don’t have many thoughts. I didn’t like the main character, or very many of the characters to be honest. the worst part of the book was the ending. It was completely unrealistic and frankly unbelievable. I noted in my Goodreads review that maybe if the author had actually developed a few of the relevant characters I would have accepted it. This book left me disappointed, and I’m surprised I finished it.

Final rating: 3/5 stars

3. Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

I wrote a positive essay on this book, and I stand by what I said. But my article, “The Symbolism that Redeems Kafka’s the Metamorphosis for Me” wouldn’t need to exist if the Metamorphosis didn’t need that redemption.

It’s a short read, and it’s a boring one. It has a lot of possible meanings, applying to Marxism, feminism, father-son relationships, illness, and the divide between upper and lower class. I don’t personally think that the book does a coherent enough job of communicating its intention, while I appreciate that it can be related to so many things. It isn’t completely shallow but… it’s still a kiddie pool at best. Sure, it’s amazing to have a relatable book that serves as an analogy with multiple topics, but The Metamorphosis at the end of the day is just a weird little story about a bug.

The plot itself is dumb and nonsensical. It reads like a kids book for people who don’t question things but with adult wording. Sometimes old “classics” are treated as if they have to be a gorgeous work of art when in fact being old means nothing.

I’m not going to point out the impossible parts of the plot simply because I’m choosing to accept them. Afterall, transforming into a bug in itself is impossible and it’s a major part of the book.

It’s not fun to read, and it’s difficult to be sure of an interpretation, but it doesn’t have enough actual content to rate lower than two stars. I’m just tired of pretending that because books are old and pretentious, they’re automatically a good read. Some people want that deep messaging, I’m one of them. But many people are looking for something that will keep them invested, and for me I like a little overlap there too. The Metamorphosis drags on and on. It’s way too long even though it might be the shortest book I read all year!

Overall rating: 2/5 stars

2. Recursion by Blake Crouch

This opinion is an unpopular one. I used to see this book everywhere. People love it. I saw the premise and KNEW I had to read it. Come on, a disease causing false memories in people? Insane idea! (in a good way.)

I thought maybe this book would end my long-standing hatred of sci-fi. It did not.

Long story short I figured out the entirety of the mystery advertised on the book flap on the 29th page. I’ve mentioned before in my review of Danielle Valentine’s How to Survive your Murder that I have a skill (more like an affliction) when it comes to guessing plot twists- but this book is over 300 pages so there is no excuse. I was not even a THIRD of the way through and I knew exactly what was causing the disease. Allow me to also mention how unsatisfying the reason was. This is often the issue with sci-fi novels.

This author came off as another sci-fi author who should’ve gone into fantasy. They’re incredible at coming up with elaborate, terrifying or awe-inspiring premises but 9 times out of 10 the “answer” is either a cop-out or over-explained with fake science. Blake Crouch managed to pull of both in one! Hooray for Blake Crouch, give him the sci-fi medal.

I noted in my Goodreads review that the plot itself got a little more original towards the end but that I still struggled to find anything relatively unique. The plot must not have gotten THAT much better because I have no recollection of that happening but I am choosing to trust my past self.

Overall rating: 2/5 stars.

1. Children of Men by P. D. James

This book might just get a full review on this blog one day, but we’ll see. I cannot stress how disappointed and angry I was at this dumb novel! I watched the movie in my film class, and was enchanted. I actually called my mom to gush about the movie and expressed how much I needed the book.

In Children of Men, human kind has become infertile and faces the apocalypse.

The film is rich with deep, impactful messages and contrasts hope and destruction to the last minute. As someone raised in church, the religious symbolism drew me in in a way I had never experienced before. Just to name my favorite of these symbols (spoiler warning) throughout the movie the group refers to the unborn baby using he and him pronouns. Then, the baby is born as a girl. The antagonists planned to use this baby as a political tool to overthrow the government, and so addressed “him” as a warrior of sorts. After she is born it is reminiscent of Jesus’ arrival in Jerusalem, when the Israelites believe that he has come to become the new king and overthrow the government. But in reality Jesus is never a warrior. He is a healer and teacher, and the attitudes surrounding the baby’s birth echo the idea that this baby will be some sort of militaristic weapon but instead she is a step towards a cure to the infertility that plagues mankind.

The book has no religious symbolism. The book is simply religious. The only “good guys” in the book are Christian. Somehow they are the only ones with morals. It feels throughout the novel as if the author is trying to shove the idea of Christianity being the right way down your throat. Ok lady, we get it! Give me a second to breathe please.

In the movie a young unmarried girl is pregnant. She represents Mary. She has a low status as she is also an immigrant and she is scared and does not know what is going on. Meanwhile in the novel the pregnant woman is a devout (and judgy) Christian woman who is almost as unbearably annoying as her husband.

Her husband is constantly rude and straight up mean to the dude who repeatedly saves their lives. (although the main character is also completely unlikable, I’ll get to that.) The worst part is when he starts talking about how he’s super important and amazing because his sperm can get people pregnant and how he’s the most important person in the group. INCORRECT. If you could slap people through the pages, I would have. The most important person there is your wife, buddy! To further specify, your wife and her baby! Why are we praising the man who can get people pregnant (allegedly, I mean you’ve only done it once) instead of the woman who can get pregnant and is now carrying the first child in twenty some years that may be the key to the survival of humanity?

I could go on and on about that. The main character, though, needs to be complained about too. He’s disgusting. He actually killed his daughter by accidentally running her over when she ran outside unsupervised. It was a horrible freak accident, so I’m sure that it haunted him for life. Nope! He notes repeatedly that he never actually wanted to be a father, implying her death was convenient for him. He complains how his wife at the time was never the same again, because of course she should just get over her child dying. It eventually wrecks their relationship and they divorce. He then goes to her house multiple times and grumbles the whole time about how he’s waaay better than her new husband and how she decorates her house is dumb because humanity is ending anyway and also she should stop bringing up their daughter because it was sooo long ago and she’s soooo mean for simply having a husband. I hated him very quickly.

Lastly, the ending is horrific to say the least. It defeats the very purpose of everything the book worked for. If you don’t mind having it spoiled, the main character overthrows the evil dictator and then restores Britain to peace! Just kidding, actually he just becomes the next dictator. Given that he’s a terrible person I don’t think his shot at governing will be much better.

Watch the movie instead.

Overall rating: a GENEROUS 1/5 star.